Facing my fears about becoming a writer has been one of the most difficult obstacles to writing yet. I seriously didn’t expect the mental writing barriers to kick-in as hard as they have done but these mental demons have cost me so dearly. Let me explain...
I started to write my first book for my Book Writing Project back in July 2010 (nearly 8 years ago) and continued writing until Oct 2012. On and off I wrote 48,562 words for my new book in that time – then I stopped!
6 years on and I still haven’t written a single word of that book – WHY!? - I am so afraid of fucking success. BAM!!
One of my writing fears is about success! On one hand I want to be a successful writer but on the other I don’t – it scares me.
My mental demons had kicked in really hard – SERIOUSLY HARD. My writing plan went out the window and I was no longer following my tailor-made path to success. I was making every excuse under the sun to pull me off writing and do something else “more important”.
I didn’t realise I had a BIG FEAR about becoming successful as a writer or anything else for that matter. It’s not the actual writing that’s the problem, as I found the writing aspect of my book very easy; it’s the what-ifs that are the worry.
- What if I don’t make it
- What if no one likes my book
- What if I become successful, I will be put in the lime-light, (which I hate)
- What if I don’t make any money; I would have wasted all that time
Seriously; so many fears have kicked in that I never would have suspected would happen.
I have put my passion on hold for 6 years or so to dabble in other things. I kept thinking about my book and kept telling myself “I am doing these other projects to help me set myself up so I can write my book” – it was bullshit. I was lying to myself.
The truth is I have a problem with success – wanting to be successful – not wanting to be successful. This dichotomy is like a push-pull feeling in my head. I want to be successful but at the same time I fear being a successful writer.
So now what am I doing about it? What’s my solution?
Write! Write, is what I am going to do about it. If writing caused this fear to kick-in then writing is what I need to do to get rid of it. I need to continue and push through this barrier; not let the barrier stop me.
For me, I have to be willing to fail and also willing to succeed. Yes, my first book might fail, be a flop, a disaster, it might be shit and laughed at; but likewise, my book might be a success and I might become a great author. And I have to be willing to be in the lime-light.
The point is I will never know until I try, and part of that whole trying-process is the fears that raise their ugly heads along the way. So to deal with the fear of writing and becoming a successful author, I need to write and push through those fears.
If ever you find yourself stopped by mental fears and obstacles on any goal you want to achieve, keep doing that thing that caused the problem or worry, push through that shit and you will come through the other end. That’s the answer!